Sonic and the Seven Idiots
by Elsakun
Summary: When Sonic dies, everyone but Chris rejoices, and a magical object has appeared! Completely made for laughs! R&R! [Oneshot] Not made to offend Chris fans! Rating gone up to T for amount of violence!


Sonic and the Seven Idiots

By no one in particular

Illustrated by no one worth mentioning

Disclamer: I own no one. NO ONE! Also, this is by my brother, who doesn't have his own account. (Don't tell him I'm submitting this, he'll get mad at me!) But this is full credit to my brother. Anyway, on with the story.

Sonic loved to run. He loved running more than anything. But one day something amazing...er...terrible happened. Sonic ran seven days without food or water, and died of starvation. This is where it all began

Tails was rejoicing. Knuckles was rejoicing. Shadow was rejoicing. Amy was rejoicing. Cream was rejoicing. Chaos was rejoicing. Chris was upset. Sonic the Hedgehog had finally been defeated!

"Now I can work on my Hairball Rifle 2006 in peace!" exclaimed Tails.

"Now my Master Emerald will stay broken!" exclaimed Knuckles.

"Now he will never make me lose lives again!" exclaimed Shadow.

"Now I will never have to act ridiculous around him!" exclaimed Amy.

"Now he'll never have to throw me into the Grand Canyon again!" exclaimed Cream.

"...!" exclaimed Chaos.

"Sonic! Why did you have to leave me! Why?" wailed Chris.

"Oh, shut up!" spat Knuckles as he threw a spear through Chris' stomach.

"Owwwww! That wasn't nice! You need more respect for six year-olds!" wailed Chris.

"Maybe if you weren't such a nerd." spat Knuckles.

"I'm not a nerd! All I do is love education two hundred percent, be kind and respectful to people two hundred percent of the time, and be a vegetarian!"

Knuckles paused. "Sure you aren't a nerd." He said sarcastically.

Suddenly the TV turned on all by itself. "Hey, folks!" the TV exclaimed. "If you want something special, here's your chance to get it!"

Everyone stopped rejoicing and listened to the TV.

"Deep in the White Jungle, there is a magical object," the TV continued. "that will grant anyone who finds it one wish! Doesn't that sound exciting!"

Everyone gasped in amazement. However the TV turned off automatically for some strange reason. Since it was 99.2 silent, Tails piped up.

"Well me and my pipes that just went up are going to find this item. You guys can stay here and stand with your mouths open." Surprisingly, no one reacted to Tails and his pipes.

However, the second and a half Tails (and his pipes) went out the door, everyone scrambled out, running as fast as...er...never mind.

"Fine if it's a race you want, it's a race I'll vomit!" Tails said, but it didn't make much sense. Ghugh...Sorry, the author just had a heart attack so we'll continue the story.

Tails zoomed past Chaos and Chris, who were losing the race big-time.

"Man, I'll never win this race!" wailed Chris.

"...!" Chaos pointed at Chris' spear.

"Hey, er... what am I supposed to do with this?" Chris wailed. Chaos yanked the spear out of Chris' stomach.

"Yaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ow." Chris wailed.

"..." Chaos tossed the spear through Chris' head.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Yay?"

"..." Chaos gave up on murdering Chris so he found a drain and rolled down.

Chris paused. _Well, at least he was ahead of Chaos!_

Meanwhile at the White Jungle...

"Hiyaaaaa! Take this you lump of ice cream!" screamed Shadow. Puzzled, Tails threw a lump of ice cream down Shadow's throat. " Agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm choking! Helllppp! Huh?"

"Finders keepers, losers seepers! Ahahahahahahahahah!"

It was Shadow's turn to be puzzled. All of a sudden Amy and Cream zipped past him, followed by Knuckles.

But speaking of seeping, Tails flew over what appeared to be a drain...

"Cool, a drain! I can use this as a shortcut!" Tails exclaimed. Tails eventually managed to squeeze down into the drain (with great difficulty).

Shadow ran past the drain, followed by Amy, Cream, Cheese, Knuckles, and Chris (Chris got 3 Super Mushrooms)

"That does it!" Shadow said. "Chao Control!"

"Chao Control? Don't you mean Chaos Control?" Amy pointed out.

That second, Chris disappeared as if...erm, sorry, this author also got a heart attack, so we'll just finish, er, continue the story. Suddenly Shadow, Amy, Cream, Cheese, and Knuckles saw a small blue object that looked strangely familiar...

"There it is! The magical object!" they chorused.

They raced towards the blue object, but they were slightly disappointed.

"Omochao!" they roared.

"Hey, gang!" the Omochao greeted them.

"You're not the magical object!"

"I'm not? Oh, well, press the B button to do a somersault------"

But before Omochao could finish, Knuckles ripped Omochao's head off, and threw it into the Empire State Building, which was conveniently about 10000 miles to the north, or west, or something like that. Unfortunately, the Empire State Building fell right on top of Knuc--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ghugh-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am terribly sorry for large number of heart attacks, well anyways, let's continue.

"There! THAT'S the magical object!" They saw a glowing white orb thingy on the tree to their right.

"It's mine!" they all said as if it was a giant hamburger.

But before they could fight over it, a long blue cord snatched it from their grasp, and Chris and his spear came hurtling towards them. Wham.

"Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ow." they chorused.

"Hey where did it go?" Chris asked.

As thanks for asking a corny question, Knuckles punched Chris in the face.

Suddenly, Knuckles grabbed a long blue cord and a glowing white orb thingy.

"Cool! I wish this blue cord was electrocuted!" Knuckles shouted.

In response, the long blue cord electrocuted Knuckles. He fell over dead.

"Oh well." Amy said.

Shadow found the glowing white orb thingy and said, "I wish I was a Tyrannosaurus!"

Shadow started changing. When he finally transformed, he fell over dead for no obvious reason. The reason it wasn't obvious is because it is a long explanation. The reason Shadow died is because the genetic structure of a dinosaur and a hedgehog are completely different; the effort of turning into the other was too much for Shadow. Okay let's continue.

"Oh well." Amy said.

Well the glowing white orb thingy now belonged to Cream.

"I wish library books were edible!" she said.

Unfortunately, nothing interesting happened.

"Oh well," Amy said. "I guess its my turn."

The glowing white orb thingy warped into Amy's hands.

"I wish I knew where Tails was."

Suddenly the glowing white orb thingy projected an image of Tails stuck in a sewer pipe.

But now it is time for Chris's wish.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" They all said.

"Hurrah!" said Chris. "I wish that everyone I care about was here to witness my wish!"

Unfortunately, his wish came true. Everyone came. Even Sonic, Knuckles, and Shadow came.

"Hey I'm alive!" Sonic exclaimed. "Who brought me back to life?"

Everyone pointed to Chris. Instead of being happy, Sonic was disappointed.

"Chris, I am disappointed," Sonic said. "You could have wished for an unlimited supply of candy, or power over the entire planet, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO: you had to wish that everyone was here to watch you. And I liked being dead anyways.

"Knuckles, you can do the honors."

"With pleasure…" He replied.

Knuckles took the spear out of Chris's head and punched his face.

"Shadow, you wanna join?"

"You bet!"

Shadow turned into Dark Shadow and used Chao Blast---- I mean Chaos Blast---- on Chris. Then he took the spear and stabbed it on his crown.

"Knuckles, you may do the rest."

Knuckles thrust the spear into Chris's head even deeper, then grabbed Chris and chucked him into the Grand Canyon, never to return.

"That was déjà vu!" Cream exclaimed.

Everyone applauded when Chris was out of sight.

The moral of this story; we will never be able to understand what Chaos is trying to say with human ears alone. But call today to get a free Chaospeak Amulet!


End file.
